Jonas Brothers

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The Jonas Brothers, also known as theJoHoes, are yet another part of thegheygeneration of Disney prostitots. The band is formed by Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The Jonas brothers are pedophiles, who use their fame to lure12 year old girlsand13 year old boysback stage to collectCP. They hide behind a facade of devout Christianity and wouldnever, everhave sex before marriage, not even if one of them wasdating a 13 year old girl in secret for several years. They wear purity rings, which makes it a-okay to have concert posters of little girls on stage humping Kevin's leg.The Jonas Brothers are universally praised for utilizing a wide array ofinstrumentsto showcase their diverse musical talents. Some fans even go so far as claiming that they are the second coming ofThe Beatlesand that their music can actually be seen as Classic Rock, which goes to show how delusionaltoday's generationis. If you look up a Jonas Brother's song on iTunes, it will show that it is not rock, but pure shitty bubblegum pop made for12 year old girls.

“	i hate you! shut up get a life and stop talking about miley demi selena adn taylor just stop shut up you're how old and AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER make fun of the Jonas Brothers they are the bestest singers and people in the world you just must be jealous of them because they are hot and you will never ever be and you're mad so shut up and get a life or a job.	„
—fairyprincessnsabout the Jonas Brothers

Contents [hide] 1The Boys 1.1Kevin "The Old One" Jonas 1.2Joe "The Trap" Jonas 1.3Nick "The Shota" Jonas 1.4A quick glance at their faggotry 1.5The Real Band 2Trolling Jonas Brothers' fans 3Did you know? 4Yahoo! Answers 5Pictures 6See Also 7External Links 7.1Troll 'Ems 7.2For The Cause/Lulz

The Boys

So who are these boys? Oh, you'll find out.

Kevin "The Old One" Jonas

Commonly known asthe Ugly One,theGayOneorthe Other One. Kevin's main claim to fame is that he apparently has a pretty largedick. This would make up for his eye-blindingly bad looks normally, but noproofexists, except anecdotes from his incestuous brothers.Kevin is also well-known for wearinghigh-heeled boots,patterned shirts, andtight white jeans.At 20-years-old, Kevin is completely unappealing to the band's entire fanbase, who prefer the baby-faced other members of the band. He was also named 20 out of 100 on a list of the unsexiest men alive, showing he is unpopular with normal women as well.We'll end this section here, because everyone knows that nobody cares about Kevin Jonas.

Joe "The Trap" Jonas

"The Pretty One". "The Hot One." "The Straight-Haired One". No matter how many times you compliment this one on his looks, one fact remains:Joe Jonasstopped developing mentally at the age of three. Thankfully, this was never discovered as all three brothers were homeschooled by their mother and their father, aminister. Perhaps due to this, Joe has never been able to separate his identity from his brothers besidesinternet dating: however, being the sheltered person that he is, he panicked and broke up with his girlfriend in a 30 second phone call then never talked to her again. Possibly the only brother to remain both straight and a virgin.

Nick "TheShota" Jonas

Nick Jonasis theunderageb&of the Jonas Brothers, who thinks he's all cool with his little Jewfro. Hewhinesand cries over his "tough" life of being rich, famous, and having agoldnecklace that officially states he has diabetes. He whacks off onto a bible and Jesus action figure every night before going to bed; however, his love of God is false as he broke his vow of celibacy whiledatingMiley Cyrus.Typical Interview
ED: Nick, what is your favorite color?
Nick: Gray, it's the color of diabetes awareness!
ED: Interesting. Are you a pitcher or a catcher?
Nick: I'm a catcher.
ED: You give good head?
Nick: Just ask Joe!

A quick glance at their faggotry

A clear demonstration of the Jonas Brothers' sense ofhumor.Purity is just an image.

The Real Band

Wait, are you implying thatyou actually care about their music?Oh.Here are the guys who actually play the instruments in the band.

• John Taylor - Lead guitar
• Greg Garbowsky - Bass Guitar
• Jack Lawless - Drums
• Ryan Liestman - Keyboard
• Buzz Killington - Manager/buttsecks distributor

Trolling Jonas Brothers' fans

Trolling JB fans is quite easy, and often results inepic lulzdue to the fact that they are all whiny, oversensitive12 year old girls.[Expand Methods]

Did you know?

• That on March 4th, 2009, Ebaums world decided to spam the fuck out of a Jonas Brothers forum? Gore and goatse was posted, lulz were had.
• That the Jonas Brothers take credit for inventing the word "Pwned"?
• That many of the Jonas Brothers fans threatened tokill themselvesbecause theylost the Grammys to Adele?
• That the Jonas Brothers were named the worst band ever at the NME Awards?No, srsly.
• That every time Nick complains about hisdiabeetus, he makes $1000?
• That every time Kevin sings, an African baby dies?
• That according toIMDB, their3D concert movieis ranked asone ofthe shittiest moviesof all time?
• That the first row of a concert of the Jonas Brothers has got 300 legs and no pubes?
• That all of the Jonas Brothers raped your little sister? (Oh, no wait, that'sgood.)

Yahoo! Answers

AsYahoo! Answersis predominated by12 year old girlsand30 year old pedophiles(The demographies making up the bulk of the Jonas Brothers' fanbase), you can only imagine the amounts of sheer failure and faggotry that are pumped into Yahoo's servers daily. Questions such as 'wut iz nicks personel fone #!?!?!?!!!11!1' and 'duz joe acept rim jobs frum fans?!?!!11' are commonplace.Jonas fantards lurk about the Celebrity section, ready to defend their favorite faggots with their powers of shitty grammar and flawed logic at a moment's notice. As you have undoubtedly discovered, most 12-year-old girls would rather havea hot poker jammed up their loli pussythan hear another person talk shit about their 'fave rawk band'. Couple this with the fact that the Jonas Brothers are easily the most discussed band on the boards, and you have a prime trolling ground.

Prime Trolling Ground	Apparently, you must find all members of a band attractive in order to be a 'true fan'. Thus is the logic of your average 12-year-old.	Please, troll the fuck out of this idiot. Don't feel bad, she's 15 so she's not some little girl.BALEETED	Why are the Jonas Brothers' lips so shiny?
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?

Pictures

Teh Gallery Of Jonas

Are they SLEEPING WITH EACH OTHER? Actual photo of Nick's penis. Nothing says 'Brotherly Love' quite like pulling down your sibling's clothing.

[Expand Gallery]

See Also

• Attention Whore
• Sell Out
• MTV
• Fangirl
• Twinks
• Fail
• 12 year old girls
• Disney
• Vanessa Hudgens
• Miley Cyrus
• The Antichrist
• The Anti-Disney Movement

External Links

Troll 'Ems

• The Jonas Brothers'YouTube page
• The Jonas Brothers'MySpace page
• The Jonas Brothers'OFFICIAL Website
• One of the Jonas Brothers'fansites
• Another Jonas Brothers'fansite
• Another completely gayfansite
• Image macros made by Jonas fans professing theirundying love
• The Jonas Brothers Fan Group ON JEWTUBE!
• Aww, how cute, Nick Jonas now has his ownAnti-Diabeetus website
• Another response video
• A Jonas Fan's response video

A fan calls for an end to Jonas hateFor The Cause/Lulz

• A look at a Jonasshole fan and her 'clever' comebacks
• A reply to a fangirl who really needs a hobby
• The Jonas Brothers Get Raped
• Re-enacted history of the Jonas Brothers' life.
• The Urban Dictionary definition of Jonas Brothers
• The Jonas Brothers according to Larry Hagman in Oliver Stone's Nixon
• JOHOEZ HATERS FORUMS
• Chelsea Handler vs. the Jonas Brothers: Part 1
• Chelsea Handler vs. the Jonas Brothers: Part 2
• Chelsea Handler vs. the Jonas Brothers: Part 3 (fanmail)
• A troll video
• Another troll video

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